Faith Wobble - Susan Santos

This is Susan Santo`s observation on Life during Lockdown

Susan Santos

Faith Wobble

I had a rather funny day yesterday and went to bed having a bit of a ‘faith wobble’.  Little did I know that before I even got out of bed the following morning God would speak to me so very clearly about this.

Firstly, whilst wandering around the internet on my mobile phone (still in bed ) I came across a talk by Nicky Gumble called Choose Faith not Fear (here if you are interested - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1QemxVqZ1U ). I must stress that I was not searching for anything along this theme it just popped up on a blog I read.  Considering my doubts the previous day I thought I would listen.  Nicky spoke around Luke 8:22-25 and how, in the midst of a storm the disciples got in a bit of a pickle about their circumstances and feared the worst.  In this chaos their faith in Jesus’ ability to help them faltered.  I found this very powerful since this was just what I had been feeling and there was real comfort in being able to relate so deeply to this story.

Of course the heart of this message is that there is no need to panic or to be worried or to be anxious as Jesus is with us right in the midst of any storm we might experience.  He will bring calm and our storms will subside, they will not last forever.  The difficult thing is to remember these truths when we are in anguish.  Perhaps part of keeping this in mind is being able recall how, in the past and in times of bleakness and doubt, God has provided for us.

Secondly, whilst listening to Nicky there was something he said that I wanted to write down so I scrabbled in my bedside drawer (still in bed, remember!) for something to write on.  The only thing I found was a journal I wrote in 2010/11, so I used the back page for my musings.  Nicky’s talk finished and my eye was drawn to this old journal and I started to flick through it to see what my life had been like those years ago (I don’t normally revisit my journals).   Within the span of this particular period I had been made redundant, there was a painful marriage break up within our close family and the possibility of my daughter missing out on university which she had been working towards with real dedication.   My writings around these times were full of worry, anxiety, apprehension and fear for the future. Yet when I consider where we are now I see a happily married woman with lovely children, I am working in a job I enjoy and my daughter had a successful university journey and ended up with a Masters!  More than that though these circumstances enabled a far better life for everyone had these sad events not happened.  Looking back I can clearly see that God was in complete control.  I hadn’t forgotten these events of course but I guess because, through God’s grace, we came through it all and there were joyful endings, the lessons learnt faded. I am so thankful that God drew me back to that time to remind me that my faith is built on solid promises.

These two events spoke to me as clearly as if I had heard God’s voice out loud saying; keep faith, I am with you, I have always been with you and I will remain with you forever.